acquire an eating disorder/agoraphobia/self-harming obsession. write poetry about it.

claim to be gay/bisexual/into leather/a pre-op transsexual. in reality, you are a monogamous vanilla heterosexual who will marry your long-term partner and have a child/kitten that you will name severina.

buy, but do not read a book of baudelaire's poetry.

watch dracula videos with the sound turned off and play bauhaus records.

go to graveyards with friends. take photos of each other draped over tombstones. this will be endlessly entertaining.

spend two hours fixing your hair before going to the corner store for cigarettes.

buy a single, expensive white lily. use an empty wine bottle as a vase.

be very, very skinny or very, very fat.

claim to be psychic. put hexes on your unemployment benefits officer.

learn to pronounce quaballah.

learn to spell quaballah.

drag dusty, thrift-store velvet curtains all over your furniture.

burn incense and use vast quantities of hairspray regardless of your alergies.

wear so much cheap jewelry that you develope dermatitis.

do bad art heavily inspired by gustav klimt.

if you have a conventional name like susan or david, change it immediately. suitable alternatives include morticia, demonique, iggy, and damion.

sit indoors with friends. drink lots of tea. experiment with makeup ideas you would never have the nerve to wear outside.

never leave the house except to buy tea, milk, silver jewelry, cat food, cigarettes, single white lilies, to sign on for unemloyment benefits, or to go to a club every three months.

deny being goth. remember, you are an individual, not a part of something as pathetic or identity-consuming as a youth subcult. you just happen to like black clothes and have a strange affinity with the occult.