TUESDAY, 07.30.02 i don't know what i'm doing here. i don't even like it here, really, but i come almost every day. i will come in at somewhere between one and one-thirty in the afternoon. i will see michael, the guy who is always there at the same time. he will be smiling at me. at some point he will get up and go outside where he will remove his shirt and walk away. he will bounce a bit. i will walk up to the counter and order the same thing i always do from one of the three people that work here. today it is the pierced/tattooed lesbian who looks too much like a cute boy. i will say, "regular iced tea." the person behind the counter will ask, "sweet or unsweet?" i will answer, "unsweet." the person behind the counter will say, "two seventeen," which i will already have ready. exact change. no tip. ever. i won't. the person behind the counter will do nothing but fill a disposable plastic cup with ice and pour premixed iced tea over it. i will have to get my own disposable plastic lid and disposable plastic straw. the person behind the counter will not have to think about a thing. this does not deserve a tip. nor does a person that sees me three to five times a week at around the same time of day when i order the same thing i always do but refuses to humor me by acknowledging that he/she remembers what i like.
i will always try to sit in the same oscar-the-grouch-green armchair toward the back. i call it oscar. today someone is already sitting there. today the person sitting there is reading the power of the kabbalah. if someone is already sitting there i will try to sit as close to oscar as possible and then, like the vulture i am, will swipe it before anyone else in the room has a chance. in front of oscar will be the man who always sits alone at a table-for-two. we will not speak. he will be wearing a baseball cap down to just above his eyes. it will be a cap different from the one the day before. i will think, again, of starting an inventory of his baseball caps but will not. he has beautiful legs but he knows it. today i sit down at the table across from a berkeley college baseball cap with beautiful legs. i do not have to ask if the seat is taken. it never is. again, we do not speak.
i will turn my mobile phone to "vibrate" and place it on the chair between my legs. i do this because if it is to ring i will not hear it over the alternative, queer dance anthem, buddhist lounge, miscellaneous, generic, etcetera music that will be playing at a volume too high.
today the person sitting in oscar has an empty disposable plastic cup sitting on the small table beside him. this pisses me off. i think, he should not still be here. he is loitering. he should leave.
normally, i will then take out the book i'm currently reading, pull out the bookmark, place it inside the back cover and begin to read while i drink my unsweetened iced tea. today is different. today i drink my tea but start writing instead of reading. i do not know why. the berkeley cap with sexy legs notices but pretends not to. we do not speak.
damn!!! i am still wiped out!!! it's kind of crazy!!! brian's birthday party on sunday night was fantastic!!! it all went pretty smooth... a few kinks here and there (get your mind out of the gutter), but nothing bad enough to get all into... all in all it was a success... and it kicked my ass!!! let's just put it this way, i went directly to bed at 9:00am after the blogathon ended, woke up at 1:30pm, decorated two cakes and still threw a party that night that lasted until 3:00am... well, i guess i should say that brian and i lasted until 3:00am... we left people at the party we threw!!! sheesh... yesterday is just a blur... i have no idea what happened yesterday... hehehe... today i've been moving furniture around and mopping the wood floors... it was pretty nasty... we're expecting a new sofa to arrive this week (tomorrow!?!?!?)... it's all so very exciting!!!
SUNDAY, 07.28.02 i did it somehow...
SATURDAY, 07.27.02 that's right!!! it's happening right now!!! hop on over and check out 24 hours in my boring life...
FRIDAY, 07.26.02 does anyone want to come over and play with me??? i'm bored...
tomorrow is the blogathon... i'd still love some last minute sponsorship... this money goes to a great cause so help me out!!! i love you guys...
WEDNESDAY, 07.24.02 well, it looks like i'm in the clear as far as cancer goes... the thing that i've been worried about turned out to be a varicocele (a collection of large veins) and it's not dangerous except that it can promote infertility... i still have an ultrasound to take but things look good... will keep you posted, of course...
TUESDAY, 07.23.02 i find out tomorrow if i have testicular cancer... i find out tonight if i can successfully bite off all of my fingernails before bedtime...
MONDAY, 07.22.02 the blogathon happens this saturday... i've only got $180.00 in sponsor pledges going toward my charity so far... thank you to those that have already chosen to help!!! i love you!!! (here's where i beg...) i really want more (a lot more) sponsorship!!! please!?!?!?!?!? (here's where i bribe...) between now and friday night - anyone who sponsors me for $100 will get a date with me... i'll treat to a movie and snacks... (hey, i'm not really cheap, just unemployed...) but really - your support would be greatly appreciated... do it for the homeless gay kids!!!
this was sent to me this morning from a friend... it's called manpaper.com and here you can download sexy guys in their underwear, in tight speedos, jeans, or wearing nothing at all, in solo and in loving gay embraces for your desktop wallpaper!!! yup, there are all kinds of gorgeous gay men here to make your, er, um, wait... not exactly ALL kinds... pretty much only the hairless chelsea muscle queens... wait, i mean the WHITE hairless chelsea muscle queens... but, well, (*giggle*) i guess that's really the only kind of gay man that exists, isn't it??? *sigh*
so i'm still sick!!! i don't get it... it's like the flu but with no stomach problems... i'm dizzy and achy... since thursday it has moved into my sinus area, though, and i've also been coughing for a few days... there are these breaks in it where i think, "oh! wow! i think i'm actually better!!!" but, no... just give it an hour or so and i'm back in bed with a headache and a hack... it is affecting my eating, though... i'm not hungry... i get to these points where i think, "oh! wow! i think i'm actually hungry!!!" so i order or make food, but, no... can't eat it... the only things that i have been able to finish in the last four (i guess almost five???) days have been a tiny bowl of cereal with strawberries, a couple of cookies and a bowl of cottage cheese with peaches... i haven't been able to taste any of it, but i was able to finish it... brian thinks i should go to the doctor and, on some levels i agree, but... no... i'll go and he'll stick a stick in my mouth and a blowup band around my arm and write a prescription for a medicine i can't pronounce or afford which i'll reluctantly buy and take home where i'll start feeling better before i even get through the second pill and will have wasted time (which could have been used to sleep) and money (which could have been used to buy t-shirts - which i really do need)... i just don't think it's worth it... now, as for the testicular cancer that i'm afraid i may have, well, that is a different story... (don't worry, boys, it ain't contagious if i do have it)... that, i think, i should have checked out... in the meantime i'm going to lay here and focus on getting rid of this bug...
THURSDAY, 07.18.02 oops... i wrote an entry yesterday and forgot to post it... eh, well... anyway, i have great news and i have crappy news... first - the crappy news: i'm sick... stuck in bed... i don't know what exactly is wrong with me... i feel slightly flu-ish, but there isn't anything wrong with my stomach or my throat or my sinuses... just really achy and having trouble keeping my balance... very light headed... it sucks... now the great news: the laramie project has been nominated for 4emmy awards... they are for casting, directing, writing and outstanding made for television movie... unfortunately, brian was not nominated for an editing award, but as one of the producers told me today, "he's being recognized, regardless, because the movie would not be what it is now without his magnificent work."
WEDNESDAY, 07.17.02 this is one of my new favorite blogs... i actually almost know karin who writes it... it's a long and sordid story which i will not get into... anyhow, i think she is awesome...
TUESDAY, 07.16.02 i can't blog, so i'll use my palm pilot... it's 5:45pm and for just about an hour & 15 minutes i've been stuck on the C train which is sitting between high street & jay street stations because of a "power outage"... eventhough the conductor has instructed us to remain patient i'm afraid that the natives are getting restless... wait, we're moving... sloooooooowly... nope, now we're not... wait... now we are... no... UGH!!! 5:51 - we can now see the station ahead of us for the first time (i'm in the front car) but we aren't pulling in... i'm starving... maybe because all i had to eat today was a little debbie honey bun and two iced teas from the big cup... oh! we're pulling into the station... 5:56 - evacuating the train... 5:58 - given a pass to shuttle busses which will be running to all train stops... 6:03 - notified that there may be delays of up to 3 hours on the shuttle service... 6:04 - (along with a couple hundred other people) decide to walk home... 6:11 - stopping for a whopper... 6:14 - join the exodus moving down fulton... 6:33 - about half the distance home... feeling somewhat satisfied yet somewhat ill from the whopper... 6:39 - just passed a cute new tea house i'll have to check out sometime!!! 6:52 - home... 6:57 - am naked now standing in front of the air conditioner... 7:03 - i guess i'll post this now and consider learning how to ride a bicycle...
SUNDAY, 07.14.02 today is brian's 30th birthday... tonight we plan on dining with a few close friends but we're saving the big party for another weekend... i was walking from the subway last night thinking about how i remember my mom's 30th birthday and my aunt's 30th birthday and how weird it is that now i'm here celebrating my boyfriend's 30th birthday... just a little weird... it wasn't like this with my ex... i met him when he was 32 so i wasn't really around for any milestone birthday parties with him... it's much nicer to have only a five year difference in age with brian... we're still somewhat on the same wavelength... we definitely have more in common... and even after two and a half years of being together and in love - i'm still completely infatuated with him... happy birthday, baby...
i called my family this morning to check in and see how things are going... one of my uncles got married yesterday to the woman he's been dating for close to a year now, i guess... i was able to spend time with her when i was in texas on my trip and i really liked her a lot... i think she really fits into the family (no, it's not a bad thing)... my family is a little crazy, though... while i was on the phone i got to talk to my other (and favorite!) aunt who was at my grandma's for the weekend... not only is she my favorite relative but she's really one of my favorite people in the world... especially now that she's told me that she reads this site regularly... my initial reaction was, "oh, no!!!" but i actually think that it's really kinda neat... of everyone that i know i think it's most thrilling that she reads it... i don't think that there is one other person in my family who supports me so completely in everything i do... even go-go dancing... she just said (with a shrug i pictured in my head), "if it puts money in your pocket, then..." she's awesome... so here's a little shout-out to my aunt jan... ... hey jan!!! you kick ass!!!
SATURDAY, 07.13.02 ugh... give me a big wad of money for dancing naked at a sex club one night and what is the first thing i do??? yes, i bought cigarettes... i know i know i know... but the second and third things i did involved buying a metrocard and paying my sprint bill, so... (to conscience:) stop hitting me...
here is an email i got from my baby brian this morning:
Oh my god. So I'm surfing the internet for obscure language reference pages (my hobby). I find a Christian website that translates The Lord's Prayer into hundreds of world languages. Common enough. I scroll down and find this earnest display...
WEDNESDAY, 07.10.02 i just want to share this picture taken by my friend dick before the drag march...
SATURDAY, 07.06.02 PS1 kicks ass!!! met up with glenn and dan for a day of looking at art and boys in t-shirts ("i love how he's not the interesting boy with striking eyes but that he's the boy in the football t-shirt or he's not the tall boy with dark hair and glasses, he's tall green t-shirt guy")... now, i hate to think that i can be such a fag, but i really had a great time... i mean, i guess you don't have to be fey to enjoy yourself at something like this (judging especially by the number of beautiful straight boys and their girlfriends who were also there) but it is just a meat market when you get down to it... sure, the conversation and time with friends can be great, but as i look back on my day, all i can really think about is a nifty boiler room exhibit, a rocky road brownie, and a sea of gorgeous boys (my sexy boy companions included, of course)... not surprisingly, none of them approached me... maybe it's because i didn't have a beer in my hand or a girl on my arm...
FRIDAY, 07.05.02 okay, thank you anonymous #2, whoever you are!!!
as you may have read, i am participating in blogathon 2002... the charity i'm working for is called STREETWORK and is a project of safe horizon... in the streetwork project, counselors reach out to homeless and runaway youths on the streets of times square and urge them to come to the drop-in center, where they can take a shower, get counseling, a meal, and a change of clothes. staff run support groups on AIDS, drug abuse, teenage parenting, job hunting, and gay and lesbian issues... click here if you'd like to sponsor me for this event!!!
THURSDAY, 07.04.02 happy anniversary of freedom...
WEDNESDAY, 07.03.02 i'd stated this weekend that when my cigarettes ran out that i would not be buying any more because they're so expensive now... well, i stretched out those that i had and am smoking my last cigarette as i write this post... i guess we'll see how long this lasts... it's just too much money - especially considering that i'm unemployed and can't afford them anymore at all... this doesn't mean that i won't be bumming off of friends, though... oh, no... if you're my friend and you're a smoker you better be ready... (i'm kidding)... (sort of)... *sigh* so i close this post as i put out the end of an era in my beautiful and soon to be incredibly lonely ashtray...
MONDAY, 07.01.02 i was warned but wasn't prepared... now i'm crying...
oops... i guess i was a little too busy the last few days to post... gay weekend is exhausting... but fun!!! saturday night was great... i got to hang out with all these really hot blogger boys from here and there... fun fun fun!!! and then there was sunday... sheesh... i marched in the parade (about seventy blocks?) with the radical faeries dressed as the gay slur "butt pirate"... oh jeez... of course i knew that by wearing an outfit such as this that i'd be inviting all types of gropes and slaps and such, but... well, i can't complain too much... my ass hasn't seen action like that in a long long time... (i must say, though, that the whole "finger up the ass" from strangers is a little unbearable at times... i really think that i should have been able to pick and choose exactly which strangers i allowed up there...) then it was off to the parties... parties parties parties... ugh... i managed to get home by 2:30am, though... how that happened is beyond me especially since i don't drink anymore and still woke up this afternoon feeling like i had a really evil hangover... wow, so that brings us to today... went into jersey to witness brian's mom get sworn in as the mayor of her township... while the ceremony was long and monotonous, it was still very exciting... it was, of course, followed by (yes) another party... people food people questions people smiling people food people food... i'm beat... goodnight...
WEDNESDAY, 07.31.02 i ran into three friends on the subway AND we have a new sofa... what a fine fine day...
