speaking of CRAZY... fred phelps (of www.godhatesfags.com) is coming to new york to protest "the laramie project"... here is the flyer that advertises it:
www.godhatesfags.com/fliers/feb2002/Fag_Propaganda_Movie_2-27-2002.pdf
there is a rally against the protest scheduled and i'll let you know more on that as details become available to me.
WEDNESDAY, 02.27.02 this is CRAZY... yup!!! that's times square, baby... and it's crazy!!!
wait, okay... so it's finally decided to snow again??? what is up with that??? oh, nevermind... i think it just ended... *sigh*
it's here!!! i've launched the new version 4.0 of my portfolio site!!! please visit www.linehandesign.net and lemme know what you think...
UPDATE: the official launch of my latest client site is coming soon... in the meantime, you can see the site under construction at www.storahtelling.org...
yup, that's right... i'm almost finished with another site... and, children, what does that mean??? it means i'm looking for more work!!! anyone out there wanna hire this cute little thang??? he does just about anything you pay him for... and he loves wearing uniforms (*ahem*)...
TUESDAY, 02.26.02 i spent the last two days doing makeup for kai's group storahtelling and his big purim show at the elbow room... it was crazy!!! and totally fun!!! i did drag on sunday night, but not the full deal... i mean, i kept my goatee... i just couldn't shave it off!!! i've worked so hard on it... so it was weird to be out in public in drag (again) but with facial hair... which shouldn't have been a big deal because the girl (who is an amazing actress and circus performer) who played the role of queen esther has a bigger and fuller beard than i've ever had... (it's true)... i got to meet some really great people... pie, of course, took a bunch of great pictures and i'll post some of them up here soon...
FRIDAY, 02.22.02 damn... is my life reallllllly this uneventful??? what the fuck!?!?!?! a whole week goes by with no posting... ugh... and even still before that, for weeks, there was nothing real to write about... damn...
FRIDAY, 02.15.02 yet another profile generator, but this one is pretty neat...
You are under considerable stress ... and you are almost about to "blow your top" but you are fortunate enough to be able to exert control .... Control is the name of the game and it is so good to realise that whatever the situation may be a this time - it will pass. You need to get away from everything for a while ... and if you do, you will find that, strangely enough, it will seem that most of your problems and situations will seem to wash away ...just as the sea may wash away "footprints" in the sand...
THURSDAY, 02.14.02 happy valentine's day... blah blah blah...
i got totally reminiscent and silly last night so i decided to call my old friend (he's not really that old, he's just been out of my life for a long time) paul in london (who, by the way, is one of the most incredibly multi-talented people i know in this world)... after we talked i, of course, missed him even more than i did before i called him... during our conversation i mentioned that i'd like to learn how to be a dominatrix bitch and he said that he could teach me how... i must say that he's a wonderful teacher... here is the email i received from him today:
To be a Dominatrix:
some basic high status tricks:
Then you just have to practise a few simple tricks for giving someone a bad time, as this won't come naturally to you.
Here's a list - just choose items at random & incorporate them. That's all there is to it.
To Give Someone a Bad Time:
Lists are so much fun I've improvised a few example domination scenes... should make it all clear...
---
GRIFFIN, a muscular college athlete, is lying languidly face-down on his bed wearing boxers & white socks, reading a Sports Illustrated.
TYLER, a thin nerd in button-up shirt and jeans, enters without knocking, holding a sheaf of papers: "Griffin. Those boxers make you look fat."
GRIFFIN: "Really?" He rolls onto his back, crunches up his head to look and slowly strokes his six pack.
TYLER: "Here, wear this." He throws him a white jockstrap.
GRIFFIN: "Mmm." He smiles, flashing his teeth. "Thanks, bud."
TYLER, flicking through his papers on the table: "Dammit, I have so much work to do..."
GRIFFIN stands, gracefully slips down his boxers, revealing a raging erection which throbs and bounces, then pulls on the jock with slight moans from the sensations of the material against his skin. "That feels nice."
TYLER: "I need a drink."
GRIFFIN: "Would you like a beer?"
TYLER (correcting): "JD & coke."
GRIFFIN begins to prepare one.
TYLER sits on GRIFFIN's bed, scowls and rotates his arm, rubbing at his shoulder.
GRIFFIN places the drink by the bed and steps over. "Here, lemme give you a massage." He guides TYLER to lie face down.
TYLER: "I don't think that's going to help."
GRIFFIN kneels straddling his hips, beginning to massage his shoulders. He is obviously getting off on the touching, smiling and breathing harder.
TYLER: "I don't really have time for this, Griffin."
GRIFFIN: "Awww, c'mon, bud. Gotta look after your body's needs."
TYLER: "Oh, and here I thought *I* was the expert on human biology."
GRIFFIN laughs boyishly. "Man, I'm horny."
TYLER: "Ow! Watch what you're doing to my shoulder."
GRIFFIN: "Better move down lower..." He slides back to kneel over TYLER's thighs and reverently moves his hands to caress his butt.
TYLER: "You're giving me an erection. I won't be able to concentrate on my dissertation."
GRIFFIN rolls him over gently and looks deep into his eyes. He presses his palm on TYLER's dick through his pants and begins to undo the buttons.
TYLER: "No hands. Use your mouth."
GRIFFIN flashes another smile and bends to carefully pull open the jeans with his teeth, growling contentedly.
---
(DEREK opens the door to AARON.)
DEREK: Oh. I thought you were going to dress as a cowboy.
AARON: (smiles, wriggles sensually)
DEREK: Get inside. And next time say "hello" when I open the door.
AARON: (opens eyes a little wider, moves inside)
DEREK: (Closing door) Come on, I haven't got all day.
AARON: Hug me. I love cuddles.
DEREK: Everyone loves cuddles. Get over it. (Walks into lounge, AARON follows.)
AARON: What do you want to do? Do you want to wrestle? Shall we dance? We could go out and walk along the riverside, it's gorgeous this time of day. Or we could just make love for hours and hours -
DEREK: I'm having a bad day.
AARON: Oh.
(They both sit, separately.)
AARON: Why don't you come sit here on the sofa? We could watch some TV if you want, Sailor Moon is on in a minute, I love her...
DEREK: It's $50, right?
AARON: Uh... yeah. Could I have a hug?
DEREK: Not now. I've put the money on the table, look.
AARON: Would you like a drink?
DEREK: You do like getting fucked, right? I told the agency, I want someone who really likes being fucked.
AARON: Oh, gosh, yes. It's my favourite thing ever.
DEREK: Well, I haven't got all day. And my back aches.
AARON: Do you think some vitamins would help? My dad says vitamins are real important.
DEREK: It's from stress, because you were late. I said six thirty.
AARON: I'm sorry, you must think I'm really dumb.
DEREK: (getting up, crossing to kitchen) I need a drink.
AARON: (following him) Do you have Cointreau? I love Cointreau. Could I have something to drink?
DEREK: You're too young. I'll get you some lemonade.
AARON: (walks up behind DEREK as he stoops in the fridge, puts hand around his waist)
DEREK: (stays frozen for a while, then lets out a sob)
AARON: What's wrong?
DEREK: I'm so fucking lonely.
AARON: (leans over to hug DEREK while he's still stooped looking into fridge)
DEREK: Get away from me!
AARON: (retreating) You're so butch.
DEREK: You're not allowed to touch me. Just do what you're told. I can touch you, but you don't touch me, OK?
AARON: (grinning) OK.
DEREK: You weren't my first choice, just remember that.
AARON: Wow, you're so dominant. It makes me hot.
DEREK: Take off your pants now and get on the sofa.
AARON: Do you want me to strip? Do you have any Madonna CDs? I love stripping.
DEREK: Jesus, you're so gay.
AARON: (wriggles sensually up against DEREK) C'mon, let's dance.
DEREK: Get on the goddamn sofa!
AARON: (sad) OK, I'm sorry.
DEREK: Jesus! Ask you one simple thing...
AARON: (rushes to sofa in lounge, pulls down pants, kneels over, wiggling ass)
DEREK: fuck it, I'm out of cranberry juice. (pauses, looking in fridge)
AARON: (calling from lounge) Ooooh, I'm all wet...
DEREK: Diet fucking coke. I hate my life. (slowly straightens up from fridge, pours coke onto his vodka)
AARON: (from lounge) I bet you're big, aren't you? Big and hard...
DEREK: There's no lemonade. You want water?
AARON: C'mon, fuck meeeeee...
DEREK: (quiet, to himself) fucking diet coke. fucking queens.
[that's two more specific lists I made, "to be a bad parent" vs "to be a
child seducing an adult"]
---
I miss you too...
Love
SATURDAY, 02.09.02 by popular demand: my new haircut...
crazy crazy crazy!!! alexis, an old friend from high school, surprised me with a phone call tonight (friday night, really)... it's been 6 years since we've spoken and did we have a lot of gossip to catch up on (2 hours and 33 minutes worth)!!! it's so weird to try to catch someone up on six years of your life... old friends, college, ex-boyfriends, new york, puppets, senegalese food (something you don't find back home), sex, money, hotdogs, dead crabs... you know... the usual... then there was the whole, "yeah, alexis, i always wanted to see your ex-fiance naked," and, "here, listen to the voice mail message that joshua jackson left for me," and, "oh, yeah, i was totally on drugs when you knew me in high school," and, "it's a weblog... they're everywhere," etc. etc. etc. it felt like i was already at a high school reunion and doing that whole "make-silly-confessions-and-then-brag-about-as-much-as-you-can" thing... totally sick... but after only a few moments i was all the way back in high school... talking about the people i hated, the people i secretly loved, the people i had sex with, the teachers i went out drinking with, the people who are now out gays and lesbians, the people who just NEED to get it over with and come out as a gay or lesbian for christ's sake... all of it... things i always thought were so embarrassingly and shamefully obvious, but to my surprise were not... and to think that after six years you can still shock a person with stories like that... crazy crazy crazy!!!
THURSDAY, 02.07.02 oh okay, so that's all it is...
i'm doing something here i've never done before... i'm gonna discuss my sex life... (eek!) there will probably be a lot to read, so i have to use paragraph breaks...
in other news, i've cut my own hair for years... it's always been very easy... pull out the clippers and shave everything off... well, i've been letting my hair grow out recently and this morning i just couldn't take it so i pulled out the clippers... as i was shaving the side of my head and looked at the long and beautiful and soft hair that fell into the sink i got depressed... then i got scared... WHY DID I CUT MY HAIR OFF!?!?!?!? i mean, yeah, it's been annoying and unruly lately, but it COULD have been nice... now i've ruined it... what do i do??? i still have 4/5 of a head of hair left... can i even this out somehow??? can i keep the hair on top??? do i sound like i have problems letting go??? so i tried tried tried to do a "styling"... you know... a fade to the top of my head where my hair would remain long...
MONDAY, 02.04.02 today's horoscope on www.cainer.com
SUNDAY, 02.03.02 and tonight i had a glass of champagne at my cousin paul's birthday party... picture from the féte will soon be posted...
brian is gone again... *sigh* back to los angeles for a week... supposedly this is the last trip... i guess we'll see... it's totally worth it, though... the film is coming along so wonderfully... yesterday was a busy busy day... was on the set of my friend john's new short film yesterday as an extra... i get to be a fag at some cheesy east village art opening... after, i met up with brian to see a play... it was a parody of "the laramie project" except the theater company had traveled to long lake, new york, to investigate a story they heard about geese that were stranded after the filming of "fly away home"... in the film, these geese had lost their mother and didn't know how to migrate so anna paquin flew a plane that they followed south... anyway, supposedly after the filming was completed, the film crew packed up and left the geese in long lake and they eventually died... the actors in the play tried to poke fun at the structure of "the laramie project" but didn't really succeed... well, so after the play, we met up with our friends amanda (who was actually in the theater company that originated "the laramie project" and also in the film version) and brian for dinner and drinks... had such a good time with them... heard lots of stories from sundance... and i only had one drink... the first i've had since my birthday party, which wouldn't be such a big deal except that i'd been to so many parties since then and hadn't had a drink at any of them... brian says that he is so impressed with my control... i said that it had nothing to do with control, but that i'm still drunk from my birthday party... (it's almost kinda true)...
FRIDAY, 02.01.02 so sad to see february here... mostly because this guy was "mr. january" in my 2002 body art wall calendar... *sigh* his name is tim whitmore and even after days of online searches i've not been able to find out ANYTHING about him... he is in the calendar three times and each time his "partner" is mentioned... hmmmmm... why don't i know this man??? why isn't this gorgeous person in my life??? and when am i going to get my new tattoo??? *sigh* (again)
THURSDAY, 02.28.02 DAMN... now i guess i need to get a job...
Dear GeoCities Member,
Beginning April 2, 2002, we will no longer provide FTP access as part of our free home page service. Please note that Premium Members will not be affected by this change in service. Free members interested in continuing their FTP service are encouraged to consider our premium packages.
in other words i have to pay them money or else go through a web-based upload system... ugh...
okay, think dan'l, think... did anything happen this week??? well, wednesday night was pretty neat... my friend stephen hosts a night of 16mm films and a vegan dinner for a group of about 40 or so fabulous kids at his apartment and this was my first time participating as "cook"... it turned out really well... rave reviews, if i do say so myself... i made cous cous with a chili of tomatoes, black beans, mandarin oranges, cinnamon and garlic (yet another crazy food combination i consider "tasty") and damn it was good... ("damn" is the word of the day, it seems...
*sigh*
i guess that the main reason for no exciting news stems from the fact that i've been job hunting for a year now with no success and it's finally really getting to me... i was out all day today in my soho best trying to find a job... any job... it's horrible... sadly, "no money" does evolve into "no happiness" in my life... and motivation is running out quick... i did have a little gig making a poster for ari's show (which started its run tonight) that brought in enough for a few days worth of chow... and a site that i've been working on for quite some time is almost complete (i'll post as soon as it's public)... but damn... damn damn damn damn damn... i want a job... i want to have to get up every monday through friday at 6am to fight over the bathroom to be in the city at 9am for a job that lasts until 5pm only to have to fight the rush hour subway crowds in my hour-long battle to get home... i would be so happy... that is so damn sad...
You "need to be needed". As an idealist you are intolerant of anything short special consideration from those close to you. If you do not get what you seek you are apt to become reclusive and you will close the doors of all those within your sphere of influence.
Although you are, deep down, a very caring person ... you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial ... and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.......
The stress and tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to your inability to achieve security and appreciation from those closest to you. This is resulting in considerable pressures.You find the situation as it stands most frustrating. You are the sort of person that would like to experience all and everything very intensely .. but unfortunately you are not receiving the warmth and understanding that you feel you are entitled to. Matters are not going too well. You seek a sympathetic ear... but it is not forthcoming. This situation is extremely nerve-racking and what is more humiliating is that no-one seems to care and you are powerless to do anything about it.
You wish to safeguard yourself against criticism or conflict and to embed yourself in a protected situation. You are a difficult person to relate to and very difficult to please.
[watch clint eastwood, de niro in most roles, or the weird kid in american beauty, to see these expertly demonstrated]
Paul
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
"We get so much in the habit of wearing disguises before others that we finally appear disguised before ourselves." So wrote French epigrammatist François de La Rochefoucauld. What he didn't say is that now and then there come times when it's actually pretty fun and easy to strip away our masks, even if they've gotten stuck to our faces. I'm happy to announce that this is one of those liberating moments. Start stripping, baby. You won't believe how good it'll feel and how potent it'll make you.
ask any of my close friends and they'll tell you that i'm not a whore... a shameless flirt, yes... but a whore??? gosh, if anyone who knows me well has to think at all before answering that question then something is wrong... ugh... it's just that lately i've been, well i dunno, going through a change... it's crazy... i've suddenly become this horny bastard that thinks about sex all of the time... well, not all of the time but probably about twice as much as i used to...
perhaps it's because that door in my relationship with brian which has always been closed is now open and easily accessible... maybe i've subconsciously formed an "anything goes" state of mind since brian has said that he's okay with it... maybe it's like sinning in the catholic church - yeah, it's wrong, but if i talk about it with the priest (my boyfriend) tomorrow, everything will be okay... i don't know... and while i don't go out to bars or clubs in hopes of getting laid (something i've never liked the idea of anyway) i recently find myself going a little beyond flirtation... i mean, don't get me wrong (baby), i don't have thoughts going through my head like, "ooooooh, i can totally get cock from this guy!" or "i'm so gonna have sex with that guy," i do have thoughts like, "he's so friggin' hot," and "i bet he'd be good in bed" all over my mind... i don't pursue them, though...
i gave myself this stigma long ago when i was living in a far far away land (texas) where my flirtation was viewed socially as out and out whoredom... ask anyone back there and they'd say that i was probably the easiest lay around... just because i made my puppy dog eyes all the time... *shrug*
now, though, it seems that, as i said, even though i don't go out and look for sex, if i'm in a situation where it could very easily be accomplished, i find myself saying to myself, "well, go for it... you only live once," or "eh, what the hell." then i slap that evil voice in my head across the face and scream (to myself) "SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP!!!" but, then there are the moments where i do give in...
it's all so new... it happened again last night... ugh... falling asleep next to someone does NOT have to lead to sex... no, all you straight people that write for queer as folk, gay men CAN be platonic... but, dammit, if i'm not turning into one of the fags from that stupid show!!! it's a little upsetting...
and while i can't complain about either of the wonderful recent experiences i've had, i also can't help but feel that i'm weak somehow for giving in so easily... this is exactly the kind of gay that i promised my mom long ago that i wouldn't become... sorry mom... and you know,
no matter how many things i try to find to pin the blame on - it's me... IT'S ME!!! i have to be responsible for my own actions... and i have to change... right??? i don't know if i really like this open relationship thing... ugh...
ooooooh, it was fabulous...
i finished the right side of my head and examined it using the vanity mirror and the one in my mac pressed powder compact i was so pleased... now, onto the back... "hmmmmmmm, not bad," i said to myself... "this is going pretty darn well." now the left side... "NO!!!!!!" of course nothing good lasts forever... there's this weird line that won't go away... the fades on the rest of my poor little head were so goooooooood... what's happening??? you try to fix it... you try you try you try... but the more you do - the worse it gets... i should know this... it's my life story... i finally gave up... i'm gonna wait to see what people say or how people on the street react when they look at me... if it's too bad i'll just go back to bald... it's much easier, anyway... nope... nothing good lasts forever... and bad haircuts can linger like the smell of mold in a refrigerator... may as well just throw the whole thing out, swallow your pride, go to sears and buy a new one... hey, some of them have water and ice dispensers in the door!!! crazy!!!
Aquarius: At last! Relief! Over the last couple of weeks the advantage of having Venus in your sign has been counteracted by the fact that Mercury has been traveling backwards through the same sector of the zodiac. This explains why your life has been so full of hope one moment and confusion the next. The confusion will not completely resolve itself this week but it will matter less. There will be more hope - and love - and comfort and perhaps even money too!
